This video first came out in February of 2012 and attempted to explain the wide variety of things that one might commonly hear a female of the crossfit world say by making a parody of the original YouTube web series, Shit Girls Say. They took a guy, threw a wig on him, and fed him popular lines that crossfit chicks supposedly say all the time and, damn it, they pretty much got it 100% accurate.
Unfortunately, what the creators of this video failed to do is dive into the female mind to fully understand WHY we do the things we do and say the things we say everyday at our box. So, my gift to you:
"Oh cute! Is that Lululemon???"
Lululemon is just one of those brand names that's über popular among female athletes of all kinds. Yogi's, crossfitters, globo gymers, etc. Why is it so popular? I don't know. Maybe because that shiz fits like a damn glove and they hem all that crap for free. If you've got short stubby legs like mine, you'll be glad for the free hem. Too bad their stuff costs an arm an a leg to get 'em. "Hi, could you just hem that arm off my new shirt and also that right leg off my new capris?"
"I wonder if that guy crossfits..."
If you're a chick that crossfits, you understand the hard work and dedication it takes to do what you do. You see yourself eating healthy, gaining muscle, losing fat, and getting awesome. So why would a single female crossfitter so dedicated to a lifestyle want another person who doesn't do something similar? Doi.
"I need more chalk"
YES. WE LIKE CHALK. We've got these dainty little females hands that were created to pick berries and gather food off the forest floor while man hands were created for wrestling bears and whatnot. So shoot us for wanting a little help picking a heavy-ass barbell up and over our head.
"Anyone have a hair band??"
One of the more popular lines I hear often. In fact, just the other week I was watching a class and this chick was weightlifting (yes, weightlifting. Not Oly lifting as us Americans usually say. Weightlifting) with her hair down. It's not that she came to class unprepared, it's just that after a hard day at work being pretty and looking professional, SOMETIMES we forget to throw a hair band on our wrist before walking out that door. If you're a gym owner, I guarantee that your CF ladies will love you even more if you keep some on hand...
"Wait guys! I have to pee..."
Sorry for being born with a tiny bladder. We can't help it if mother nature didn't intend for us to hold our pee over long periods of time (long being more than ~1 hour). Marathoners actually pee while they run... be happy we don't get our whiz all over your nice floor mats.
"Her whole workout is, like, my warm up"
You know, guys don't say this but it's true for them too. Guys just don't find it necessary to say shit like that because that's not how they're wired to assert their dominance over other dudes. Guys are like, "BLARGH. ME PICK UP MORE WEIGHT!!! BBLLAARRRGHH." Girls, on the other hand, are TOATS different. We slyly judge each other constantly, but are so nice when we talk face to face. "Wow! Awesome lift! That's, like, 10 lbs over my PR!"....(yeah, 10 lbs over, but too bad you didn't break parallel...). Females. We're stupid.
"Can we do these... kipping?"
Pull-ups, HSPUs, muscle-ups, dips..... they all require upper body strength WHICH WE DON'T NATURALLY HAVE. It's probably the main reason why there's a WOMEN'S division and and a MEN'S division in competition. We couldn't possibly compete with dudes based off of this ONE component of the sport. Upper body strength. So give us a break when we ask if we can kip. It's like the only thing we've got.
"I think I ripped my hand"
1. We want to be recognized as badass.
2. We want everyone to know the reason we couldn't do as many pull-ups."
(Taking 5 billion years to look for a kettle bell)
KBs can get HELLA heavy depending on the WOD. I mean, are we swinging like an American? Are we swinging like a Russian? SDHP? We're just trying to make sure we don't die, okay?
"Check out my new pup. I named him Jason....Khalipa"
If given the chance to name an animal (or anything for that matter), a true crossfit enthusiast will name it after a Games athlete, a hero WOD, or a benchmark girl. Hell, Christmas Abbott has a bull dog named Fran. Awesome.
"Can somebody help me? Stupid clips are stuck again..."
FRIGGIN' CLIPS. All box owners need to buy Lock-Jaw Collars for their gyms. Yeah they're $50 for a pair, but you know what also comes with that? The silence you get from chicks who aren't bitching about not being able to get those hard to squeeze spring clamps off the barbell. Consider it an investment.
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